According to recent events; statistics demonstrate that there is a 98% chance that teachers and former students will be put in a comprimising situation. I guess the world really is a small place.

The best-laid plans of mice and [Potsie]...

Probability that a new and improved "vehicle" will have to be found: 72.0%

Movie theatre make-out . . .

Probability that the people groping each other in front of you at the movies are huge losers: 97.6%
The other 2.4% are obviously misunderstood; they're in love I'm sure.
Stop, just stop.

A less-than-irresistible force meets a less-than-immovable object

Probability that a sheet of reinforced glass will illuminate your colossal stupidity for the entire world to see: 98.4%

GLP Day

Chances this refers to you: 50%

Bohica'd...

Statistics reveal that at least 95% of people have reluctantly been Bohica'd at some point in their life. The other 5% are willing particpants.

A song anyone?

98.8%; percentage probability that spontaneously singing an unsollicited, bad song, in the morning will get you some bash time at lunch.

Annoying people.

Percentage of unsolicited advice that is appreciated: 3.6%

Jesus bottle?

Chances that the image on the bottle is actually a picture of a martian: 79.3%

Face of Jesus appears on cider bottle in British pub.

Probability of this happening by chance: 83.4%

Business as usual

Probability that it will be business as usual with two full weeks of dress down days: 0.015%.

St. FX University

Statistics reveal that 95% of students at Xavier University had a working pulse upon acceptance, the remaining 5% is unknown. Do you know any St. FX grads who fit the 5% category???

lunch

2:1 - Odds that the Beta Group lunch will arrive late on Friday and that the scheduled Chinese food will probably be PIZZA - AGAIN! 75% chance the Chinese food will be delivered by a Lebanese ex student.